You might be dumber if you read...

I am a little tired and my coffee had not yet hit my bloodstream. I like Chuck Norris, I liked him during the Mike Huckabee Presidential Campaign and in some of his movies and TV shows. Having watched Walker Texas Ranger is one of the requirements of holding a man card. But, I recently came across some of this stuff below. I think it is funny. But, if you want to use your time wisely, then you can skip it. By the way, I really want to substitute my name for Chuck’s and teach this to Cason as facts about his dad!

• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

• Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

• Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

• Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

• Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

• Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

• There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

• When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

• Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

• Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

• Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

• Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

• Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

• Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.1

• Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

• Go to www.google.com Type in “find chuck norris” Click the “I’m feeling lucky” button. If is worth wasting some time doing.

Really, I am getting back to work now! Pastor Phillip

Video of Cason

You guys have got to see this little kid go! Pastor Phillip

Noah In 2008.

We are learning lessons from Noah on Sunday Moring, so in order to help you prepare think about what if Noah had to build the ark today.

Noah in 2008

If Noah had lived in the United States today the story may have gone something like this:

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark." In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."

Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah!" He shouted. "Where is the Ark?"

"Lord, please forgive me," cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems.

First, I had to get a permit for construction, and your plans did not meet the building codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans.
Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a sprinkler system and approved floatation devices.
Then, my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.

Then, I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest

The carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now, I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.

When I started rounding up the other animals, an animal rights group sued me. They objected to me taking only two of each kind aboard. This suit is pending.

Meanwhile, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the Universe.

Then, the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed flood plain. I sent them a globe.

Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking atheists aboard.

The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state that I owe them some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a 'recreational water craft'.

And finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it's a religious event, and, therefore unconstitutional.
I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another five or six years."

Noah waited. The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky.

Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"

"No," He said sadly. "I don't have to. The government already has."

Hey, you guys better be sharing your faith! Check this out! Pastor Phillip

Got To Love Moms

This is really funny. Moms are the best! Phillip

Funny!

Check This Story Out. This man passed gas on a police officer and was changed with "battery of an officer." If Rebecca finds out about this story, there is a good chance she may press changes on me of spousal abuse!

Pastor Phillip

You Got To Watch This

OK, I am not always hard at work at church in my office. I have to take a break and I found this.




Enjoy, Phillip